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Dumb jokes.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? 

They each got six months.


A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Amahl." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." 

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. 

Her husband responds, "But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."


A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, you can't come in here without a tie." 

So the guy goes back to his car and gets some jumper cables and ties them around his neck and goes back in the bar. And the bartender says, "Hey, that's not a tie." 

And the guy says, "Yes it is." 

So the bartender says, "Okay, you can come in, but don't start anything."


Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of the two weevils.

A woman took her dog to the vet. "Doctor," she said, "I think my dog is dead." The doctor put the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. 

"Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. 

"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. 

"Three hundred and fifty dollars," says the doctor. 

"Three hundred and fifty dollars? For what?" the lady asks. 

"Well," says the doctor, "it's fifty bucks for the office visit and three hundred bucks for the cat scan."


A cannibal catches this guy and prepares him correctly and eats him but he gets sick. So he goes to the witch doctor. He tells the doctor, "Doctor, I caught this guy, all dressed in brown robes and wearing a cross on a chain, and the center of his head was shaved. Oh, and he carried a black book. I boiled him and ate him, and I got sick. What's the deal?" 

The witch doctor shakes his head. "No wonder you got sick," he says. "That wasn't a boiler, it was a friar."


Three guys are celebrating in a bar. They keep high-fiving each other and yelling, "136 days!" 

"136 days!" They are so excited, the bartender can't stand it any longer. 

"Hey," he says, "what are you guys celebrating?" 

"We finished a jigsaw puzzle," says one of them. 

"You finished a jigsaw puzzle???" says the bartender. "How come that's so exciting?" 

"Well, it said on the box 'Four to six years'!"


A termite walks into a bar and says "Where's the bar tender?"

Q: What kind of underwear do knights wear? 

A: Fruit of aluminum.


Two snakes were crawling along the road one day. One snake asked the other, "Hey, are we poisonous snakes?" 

The other replied, "Yep, you're darn right we are. Why do you ask?" 

To which the first replied, "Aw, man, I just bit my tongue."


The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible. 

The Psychiatrist says, "Tell him I can't see him right now."


A man walked into the doctor's office with two peas up his nose, a carrot in one ear, and a stalk of celery in the other ear. He said, "I'm not feeling well." The Doctor said, "You're not eating right."

Two psychiatrists bumped into each other in the hall. One of them said "Hi." As he walked away, the other muttered, "Hmmm. I wonder what he meant by that?"

A famous ornithologist was asked to be the keynote speaker at the opening of a new bird sanctuary. Since he had a scheduling conflict, however, all he could do was send his egrets.
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general jokes 1
general jokes 2
general jokes 3
dumb jokes
risque jokes
bizarre jokes
linguistics jokes
parrot jokes!
religion jokes
legends
war b/w sexes
my own humor