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| A man goes up to heaven and says, "Hey, God. What's a million years like for you?" And God says, "Oh, you know, like maybe a second." So the man says, "Oh, wow. Well, then, how about this: What's a million dollars worth to you?" And God says, "Oh, like, you know, about a penny." So the man says, "Oh, wow. Well, in that case, can I have a million dollars?" And God says, "Sure, in a second." |
| An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly
his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast
tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to
swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, God!
Help me!"
As the atheist spun helplessly through the air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me?" "Give me a break!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster, either!" |
| A hiker slipped over the edge of a cliff, and would surely have fallen to his death except for a branch he managed to grab, just a few feet from the top. He clung there in terror and yelled, "Help! Can anybody hear me?" A booming voice said, "I am God. Just let go of that branch and I'll catch you." There was a long silence until the hiker hollered, "Can anybody else hear me?" |
| A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." |
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