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| A little girl wants to walk her dog, but her father says that she can't because the dog is in heat. After a moment's thought, he finally says, "Well, I guess, if we pour gas on the dog's rear end it will kill the scent." So he does. Half an hour later, the girl returns. The father says, "Where's the dog?" The girl replies,"She ran out of gas half a block down the street, and the neighbor's dog is pushing her home." |
| A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote
log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday
and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort,
and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The
old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the
door of the cabin
and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK. "Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love." The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window ...they're choking my ducks!" |
| A guy meets a gal in a bar and asks, "May I buy you a drink?" "Okay. But it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?" "Okay. But it won't do you any good." He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay. But it won't do you any good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." She says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in." |
| It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his
date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front
door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready
yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby--so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, Bobby's eyes light up at that. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!" |
| A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went
to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special
rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told
this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster
for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse, though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Randy strutted into the henhouse and set to work. Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy. The farmer walked up to Randy saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy." "Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer." |
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